Day 64 -- Extremely Old Navy

If this were a Weight Watchers meeting (or pretty much any other group therapy session that I've seen on TV), this would be the point where I would stand up and talk about my accomplishments this week.  And, since I just couldn't resist those new Sugar Cookie Pop Tarts (disappointing.  Let's leave it at that), I can't claim any food-related successes were I to crash one of of their meetings--but I can discuss my triumph over Anthropologie adversitie [sic].

Like I could really resist this...

So I'm sure that you can all see why I just had to have this sweater...I mean, it's sporty, it's got a cool "seed" stitch (I'm getting well-versed in the language of knitwear), and, did I mention that it's orange?! And when it said "online exclusive," I could barely hit "Add to cart" quickly enough. I decided that this would be my birthday present to myself (and the other sweater that accidentally eneded up in my cart as well). When it arrived, I cleared out room on the shelf (shoes, be gone!) and was about to give it a position of honor...and then it occurred to me that maybe I might need to try it on first. Kind of crazy, I know...how could a hearty crew neck in size L not fit?

And it didn't.  I mean, it fit...but was kind of bulky and didn't exactly make me feel like taking a selfie while wearing it. So I did something I have only rarely done before...I actually immediately wrapped it back up (before I could make some kind of rationalization like, "Maybe looking fat will be in style next season") and put it in the car to make the long sad drive to my local Anthro store. (If you're wondering, yes, the other sweater that I ordered fit and has taken up residence in my closet).

When I walked in the store, I was greeted with that unmistakeable essence d'Anthropologie and the sounds of hipster holidays playing on the sound system.  And then I saw it.  It was chunky.  It had a melange of stitches.  It looks warm. It has a cowl.  AND IT IS ORANGE.

Place your bets now...did I purchase this sweater?

So...what are the odds I would let this little fella go?  It even comes in a mustard shade (which, admittedly, is a huge turnoff to most people, but I kind of like it...even when they call it "sulfur."  Yuck!).  Imagine the apples I could pick in this sweater...

I just kept on walking. And when I looked up the customer reviews online (hey, I never said that I wasn't tempted) and they were mostly positive, I still didn't bite.  Maybe I have changed.

Or maybe I learned that I really don't like cowls all that much.  I'm just happy that I never had a school picture taken in one of them because nothing dates a headshot more than a cowl or a set of serious shoulder pads (guilty on the second account). 

But if it goes on sale...

Ah yes, but back to Day 64.  I suppose I threw this little anecdote in here to show that no matter the vintage of the sweater, a troublesome neck will always cause angst to the wearer.  We take you now to a light blue turtleneck from Old Navy.

I distinctly remember a time when I specifically wrote on my Christmas list: light blue turtlenecks.  And that time was Christmas '99. I guess with all of the fears about the Y2K, it makes sense that I focused on what was really important: winter pastels.

The oldest living Old Navy sweater explains it all for you...

Don't bother trying to uncuff these...they are sewn that way!

If there were an Antiques Roadshow for Old Navy clothing, I am fairly certainly that this sweater would flip those old appraisers' wigs. Does anyone actually buy anything at Old Navy saying, "This is the heritage piece that I need for my wardrobe for years to come.  I'll even pass it down to my children." It's more like, "Hey, this trendy item will fall apart after a season anyway so it doesn't matter that it doesn't really fit," or "Wow...I can wear this logo-T when I play on that shuffleboard league."  These are temporary clothes, and I'm pretty sure that nobody expected this sweater to last so long in captivity.  This Old Navy light blue turtleneck is a survivor...at least for now.

There was an old commercial for Doritos in which Jay Leno said, "Crunch all you want, we'll make more."  I think that about sums up my attitude towards this sweater. While I thought that the color had a nice wintery feel to it and the sweater draped nicely, I wasn't in love with the fit, the neck, or the sleeves.  The whole sweater just put the "Old" in "Old Navy," and clearly did not inspire me to wax poetic. I had almost no reaction to it the entire day...except for the fact that I kept hoping the turtle would commit to a shape--preferrably one that stayed close to my neck.  I had about the same feeling about this sweater as I might after eating corn (off the cob, however--on the cob is an entirely different story) or vanilla fro-yo--not an unpleasant experience, but certainly not anything to blog about.  Which explains why I didn't.  Until now...some 7 months later, and still I've got nothing.

So, as much as I tried to make a case for it to remain on my sweater roster, I couldn't think of anything more compelling than, "It's fine."  This Old Navy officer has just gone to its watery grave.


My rating: Smashmouth. Wait, what? This sweater is being evaluated in terms of a late 90s/early millennium party band? Hey, if the Skechers fit...

Although there is sort of a burgeoning interest in bands from this era, nobody seeks out their Smashmouth CDs (or even the Now! That's What I Call Music that features the ubiquitous "Walking on the Sun"),  nor would anyone intentionally reach for this ho-hum sweater. While it means you no harm, having an inferior sweater on all day is like getting "All-Star" stuck in your head--and you're worth more than that. Time to shake off the Y2K nostalgia and send this to the Now! That's What I Call a Boring Sweater pile.

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