Monday, February 11, 2013

Day 40 - Chenille, Schlemazel, Hasenfeffer Incorporated (I never understood those lyrics...)

So it's Day 40.  And it's only February 1st.  Despite what Punxsutawney Phil predicts tomorrow, there will still be at least 60 more days of sweaters.  Which would depress me, except for the fact that, as you may have noticed, I really love sweaters.  Just not all of my sweaters.  But, in honor of Valentine's Day, I have proclaimed February 1-February 15th to be "Wear Red/Pink/Heart Sweaters" for a fortnight (why the 15th?  I think you always get at least a day's grace period with I really wanted to write "fortnight." Blame Downton Abbey).

So, for Day 40, we are re-visiting an old "friend" from the (not-so-distant) past.  You thought we were done with chenille?  You thought wrong!

Previously on 100 Days of Sweaters, we met the Chenille family.  They hailed from the Gap's Holiday '05 collection...(despite their pastel hues to the contrary, "holiday," refers to Christmas--not Easter). This orchid colored turtleneck suffered a devastating loss when his sky blue brother was shipped off to another home after a less-than-favorable review in the Sweater Blog, and now he fears for his own safety. Although his lilac brother remains in a stable household (having survived Day 25), the two are currently estranged (the riff was possibly caused by jealousy over lilac's better genetics: sturdy neck, and those well-defined sleeves and hem).  What's to become of this orchid chenille half-cowl/half-turtleneck?  Will it ever find a loving home?  All answers will be revealed in today's blog...

Don't let the pretty pink color and the oh-so-soft fibers suck you in...

This neckline was just made to fuss with.  It doesn't really sit flat,
nor does it do that cowl thing.

What is only slightly less annoying than a short hem?
One that (intentionally) rolls up.

Even though this sweater was, as I remembered from his relatives, soft and cozy, the ill-defined hem was kind of irritating, as was the non-committal turtleneck and the bell-like sleeves.  It was a festive color, but certainly wasn't special enough to merit a golden ticket to Hollywood Week (or, in the case of So You Think You Can Dance, Vegas, baby).  Not to mention the fact that I can barely tell the difference between this "orchid" color and the "lilac" relative from blogs of yore.

Should it stay, or should it go? I decided to wave goodbye to it, and as it drove off in its carriage with its new governess, I saw the tears streaming down its synthetic fibers until it became just a small speck in the distance.  Luckily, this decision was made even easier for me when when I tried to wash it, as the gel detergent left a big blue spot on the back of the sweater (which, oddly enough, didn't come out even after 4 washings.  Thanks, I can have no donor's remorse).

My rating: Joe Jonas (yeah, I went was only a matter of time).  Although he is, unarguably, the best looking of the Jonas-trio (and we're not going to discuss the "Bonus Jonas" as he has not yet come to Disney Channel fame), his time in the spotlight might be just about over. Sure, we had some laughs (mostly at his expense) and we all enjoyed his voice mail breakup with Taylor Swift, but his appearance on that tacky dating show last summer (with "The Situation," no less) may have forever stained his reputation just like gel detergent on a chenille sweater.  He is definitely more attractive than his sky blue brother, Kevin (does anyone actually watch his reality show?), but his well-maintained stubble does not outrank the tailoring, beautiful lilac coloring, and classical training of younger brother Nick (appearances on Smash and The X-Factor, notwithstanding).  So, despite his ability to wear aviator sunglasses like nobody's business, this sweater is no longer "Burning Up" the turtleneck charts.

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