Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Day 23--Who Put the "Fun" in Funnel Neck?

I blame Club Monaco and its sleek, utilitarian styling for this sweater.  Even before Monica Lewinsky made their lip gloss famous (from her interview with Barbara Walters, that is), Club Monaco had a European allure and was one of the few upscale mall stores that featured a men's section as well.  Unfortunately (or fortunately, as the case maybe), whenever I would go in the men's section, I would immediately get asked if I needed any help, thereby stopping at the get-go any attempts to buy men's sweaters for myself.

Back in the day, their clothing was mostly black, gray (Club Monaco is from Canada, so would that actually be "grey"?) and khaki and a patterned print was as forbidden as Tonya Harding is at a skating competition.  While some of their outfits vaguely resembled the cast of Sprockets, I always admired their simplicity and wished I could emulate their apparent ease in dressing (or at least sport their pants, which always featured unflattering pockets).  So although this oh-so-funnel neck hails from the Limited, I am guessing that I bought it as an homage to that attractive club in Monaco. Or maybe it was just on sale...

I'm relieved to see that it even sticks out strangely on the mannequin.  I thought it was just me.

While my first instinct would be to say that, while it's not perfect, it's warm and it's the only gray turtleneck that I have, so I'm going to keep it.  That would have been my comment, had I attempted to justify this sweater's existence on my shelves before this little sweater expos√© began.  But I am a new person now (or at least I've had to deal with some really mediocre sweaters over the past 23 days and have a new appreciation for sweaters that actually look good and fit well), and am holding my knitwear to a higher standard.

Simply put: this is not a gray turtleneck--it's a gray funnel neck, and there's a difference. While it is the only representative of the gray "turtleneck" community in my possession, I'm pretty sure that I can live under those harsh living conditions. Besides, I cannot think of an occasion is which it will be absolutely imperative that I wear a gray sweater, let alone a turtleneck, to complete my outfit.  If that situation arises, I will rue the day that I ever let this guy go, but I don't see that happening any time soon. And, to save me the doldrums which will inevitably occur tomorrow, I am passing on this sweater in the black version as well (no need to picture's the exact same thing, but in black.  And I think we all have enough black "turtlenecks").

So when funnel necks become the next Cabbage Patch dolls or Uggs, you are all free to mock me.  Come to think of it, is there really a difference between a funnel neck and a mock turtleneck?

My rating: (and I know that most people will disagree with me on this) Ryan Reynolds.  He's "good looking", Canadian, and some would say has some talent (mostly in his abdominal region).  I, however, have no use for him and fail to see his appeal. While this is a well-made sweater, his personality is a little too smug for my liking, and the neckline  sticks out in an odd way.  I could live without seeing him in another movie, and I will take my chances that I can survive the next 76(!) sweater-testing days without a representative of the gray community in my closet.

For those of you keeping score at home, this gray sweater and his twin in black bring the body count up to sixteen.  Which, of course, would be far more impressive had I not purchased just a few sweaters during all of the January sales...

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